


Thinking about Forever

by angietwist



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF, Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types, Call me by your name - freeform
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Coming Out, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, M/M, Mutual Pining, RPF, RPS - Freeform, Self-Denial, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-04-16 06:48:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14159127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angietwist/pseuds/angietwist
Summary: Armie and Timmy haven't talked to each other in a while so Armie is a bit surprised and disappointed when he finds out that Timothée is dating Canadian actor/director Xavier Dolan and hasn't even told him. Maybe they're not the good friends he thought they were? Or maybe Timmy has his reasons for not telling him?If you don't like angst or slow-burn maybe you shouldn't read this ;)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I know this isn't real, if you're uncomfortable with RPF please don't read this. It's just my fantasies and in no way do I want to force them on anybody. Also I don't own anything ;)
> 
> The title is inspired by a Frank Ocean song. You can check it out if you want- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTUyABibswM

It had been two months since Armie had seen Timmy and he had to admit that he missed him a lot, more than he’d expected. But it wasn’t so strange after all, they’d spent so much time together while filming _Call me by your Name_ and during the press tours and awards ceremonies and parties, they’d gotten used to each other’s presence. It was very practical to be close to your co-star, you could rely on them when you were tired/sick during interviews and it made the unpleasant things a bit more bearable.   
So really, it wasn’t surprising that he missed him.   
But that day, when Liz had texted him ‘omg I just saw on a gossip website that Timmy was dating Xavier Dolan? How come you didn’t tell me?’ he’d felt a pang of pain in his heart. He hadn’t told her because he didn’t know and finding out this way was disappointing and … hurtful? He thought they were friends and don’t you tell your friends when you start dating someone? Especially the friend you talk so much about in interviews and describe as your role model?

Of course, he’d noticed the flirtation between them. He’d noticed the tweets and the comments Xavier left on Timmy’s Instagram pictures, the heart emojis and all of that. He knew Timmy had a crush on Dolan the day he’d smiled and blushed when Armie’d showed him the 'hum <3' that Xavier had left on one of his insta pictures. And the day Timmy had mentioned Xavier in one of his acceptance speech a bit out of nowhere.   
Armie had made it clear that he accepted Timmy for who he was, even teasing him and telling him to go for it. That’s why it hurt to find out this way, why did Timmy think he couldn’t tell him? 

He took his phone and started writing _Timmy, why didn’t you tell me about you and Dolan? I thought we were friends?_.   
He stared at his screen for a while, then erased the text and wrote instead _Xavier seems lovely, Liz and I can’t wait to meet him ;)_. He hit 'send' without thinking too much, knowing his friend would be less embarrassed if he didn’t make a big deal out of this. Bringing Liz into this was a good idea, Timmy knew she was curious so he’d think she was the one behind the text.   
His phone started ringing almost immediately, he glanced at the screen and saw it was a call from Timothée. He didn’t expect him to call, maybe he’d actually meant to tell him?

‘Hi man’ he heard the young man say, obviously embarrassed. ‘How have you been? It’s been a while!’ 

‘I’m fine. Liz is at her parents’ with the kids but I had to stay in New York for the Broadway show I’m doing. You still haven’t come see me by the way’ he said teasingly to break the tension he could feel in Timmy’s voice. 

‘Yeah sorry, I’ve been busy but I promise I will come soon.’ He coughed and remained silent for a while, and Armie didn’t want to force him to talk so he waited without saying anything.   
‘About your text… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t expect it to go public this quick and I wanted to keep it private because he’s … well, he’s the first guy I’ve ever dated and it’s new and it was a bit scary. I didn’t want people to think that you know… I wasn’t really acting in Call me by your Name’ he sighed and Armie could hear his voice shaking slightly. 

‘It’s alright Timmy. It’s okay, I’m happy for you. It’s Liz who’s surprised you didn’t tell us, but I knew you had your reasons’ he lied to make his young friend feel better.   
‘So, how did it all happen? I want to know everything’ he added, exaggerating the last words to make Timmy laugh, and it worked. 

‘ha ha… you know what? We should meet to talk about this. Better in person than on the phone, right? Are you doing anything tonight? Xavier is in Montréal right now so I’m free to see you whenever you want.’ 

Armie was excited by the prospect but also sad, when had Xavier become so important to Timmy that he didn’t even want to see his friends when Dolan was around? 

‘Yeah man, sure, do you want to go somewhere? Or do you want to come to my hotel? They have a great bar downstairs. Or we could just order some take out and have a few drinks. Whatever you like’ he said, trying to sound cool even if he was growing too excited by this. 

‘Great idea, I’ll come over. Text me the address of your hotel and I’ll be here around 7 if that’s alright for you.’ The young man sounded enthusiastic as always. At least this hadn’t changed. 

‘Sounds like a plan. See you tonight Lil Timmy Tim’ he said in referring to the infamous ‘Statistics’ song. He heard the young man chuckle before hanging up. How much he’d missed his chuckles. 

Armie looked at his watch, 1pm. 6 hours to kill. Just enough to make his room, and most importantly himself, look presentable. He hadn’t been this excited to see anyone in a long time, and while it was a bit surprising, he didn’t wonder about it too much. Him and Timmy had something special, and he hoped those two months away hadn’t changed anything. He hoped nothing ever would.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timmy calls Xavier to tell him about Armie. He also goes online to see what people say about them and he sees disturbing posts on tumblr. Will he be affected?

When he hung up the phone, Timmy was shaking and he had to take a deep breath to calm his heart; it had started beating way too fast during the phone call.   
He didn’t know why he was so nervous, Armie was his friend, there was nothing to worry about, they would hang out like they used to and the older man seemed to understand why he hadn’t told him about Xavier. Why was he scared then?   
He couldn’t shake this weird feeling so he decided to call Xavier, thinking it would make him feel better. 

‘Bonjour Timothée, ça va?’ the Canadian asked in a cheerful tone.

‘Salut Xavier. I’m fine… well actually I’m a bit stressed out.’ He said, hesitant to talk about Armie with him. 

‘Oh, why mon chéri?’ 

‘Well… he saw a picture of us online and he was angry that I hadn’t told him about us…’

‘You hadn’t told him? But, babe, you told me you had! Why did you lie?’ Xavier asked, his tone betraying surprise with an hint of frustration. 

‘I wasn’t ready to tell people but I didn’t want you to think that I was ashamed so…’ Timothée kept his voice low, embarrassed by the whole situation. He hated drama.

‘You don’t have to lie to me okay? I know it’s hard to come out. But now you realize that it’s better to do it in person rather than having your best friend find out on the internet, right? Was he really angry?’ Xavier asked softly.

‘No, I guess he wasn’t, or at least he pretended not to be. But… I don’t know… I would be if I were him.’ Timothée stopped talking for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and announcing, ‘I’m going to his place tonight, we’re going to have a few drinks and talk.’

‘That’s great! I’m glad you’re seeing him; you guys have a great friendship. Don’t get too drunk or you’ll call each other by your own names’ Dolan said, teasing. He’d always suspected Timmy had a crush on Armie, and who could blame him? The man was a greek god. 

‘Shhhhh Xavier! Please don’t say that! He’s my bro! I know you have this twisted fantasy of us having a threesome but that’s never going to happen. Armie is my friend and… he’s straight and married anyway!’ Xavier could picture Timothée blushing as he’d said that. 

‘I know baby. I was just joking, relax! Why are you taking things so seriously right now?’ 

‘’Sorry, it’s just that it’s been a while since I’ve seen him and I’m kinda scared that our friendship won’t be the same outside of, you know, the _Call me by your Name_ world.’ 

‘It will, you guys have a special bond. You don’t need Luca and a whole crew around to be comfortable with each other. You can call me when you get home okay?’ 

‘Okay. Thanks Xavier. Love you’ Timothée said, his cheeks red as they always were when he said those words. 

‘Je t’aime aussi. Can’t wait to be with you babe. Have a good night and tell Armie I said hello okay?’ 

Timmy nodded even though his boyfriend couldn’t see him. He really liked him, he was charming, intelligent, talented and funny. And hot, very hot. But he wasn’t sure he loved him yet. He’d said it a few weeks earlier because Xavier had said it first and he didn’t want to upset him but he wasn’t sure what he felt was love or just affection mixed with attraction. He knew he would fall in love at some point, he just had to be patient. Who wouldn’t fall for Xavier Dolan, right?  
But he felt bad though, he’d lied twice to his boyfriend in a few minutes. When he said he loved him and when he said Armie was just a friend. But which lie was the worst? 

He decided to look at the pictures and articles about him and Xavier that had been published online. He was shocked to see how many of them there were, apparently people really cared about who he was dating. He obviously saw the headlines he feared ‘How young movie star Timothée Chalamet realized he was gay while filming _Call me by your Name_ ’ or ‘Was Timothée Chalamet really pretending in _Call me by your Name_?’ It was a shitfest already.   
He decided to go on tumblr to see what was being said. He’d been using this website for years, he felt like you could be whoever you wanted in the tumblr community and it had helped him a lot when he was a young teen trying to figure out his sexuality.   
He saw many posts celebrating his relationship with Xavier, fangirls and fanboys congratulating him on his public _coming out_ and being happy for him. It warmed his heart, there were still good people in this world even though he was still a bit bitter that he'd been outed by a magazine. He had told his family before the pictures were taken but he wished he'd been able to tell all his friends too.   
He stayed on the website a bit longer and that's when he saw more disturbing posts about how he couldn’t be in love with Xavier when it was obvious that he was in love with Armie. He saw compilation videos of them as proofs that there was something between them. The worst part was that he couldn’t deny that these were compelling. They really looked like a couple, especially in the way they stared at each other; stolen moments from interviews and ceremonies.  
But there wasn’t anything between them, it had taken Timothy months to convince himself of this and he couldn’t let a few tumblr posts change his mind.   
He closed his laptop before these videos and photo montages could get to his head and he decided to smoke some weed to relax, he couldn’t go to Armie’s like this. 

****

* * *

Armie had been pacing in his room for ten minutes waiting for Timmy to show up. He was excited to see his friend and couldn’t wait for him to get there. These two months had felt like years.   
When he heard the young man knock on the door, he stopped moving, that was it! He was finally seeing his little bro again. 

‘Hi Timmy’ he said when he opened the door, all smiles to hide his nervousness. He was struck by the young man’s beauty, he was even more handsome than before. His hair was longer, more wavy than curly and the angles of his face were sharper, which made him look older. No wonder he was on the front pages of every magazine.   
His young friend was smiling shyly, he didn’t look tense or uneasy but he didn’t look as excited as he usually was. Something was off. 

‘Dude, are you high?’ he asked in an amused tone. The young man nodded and Armie burst out laughing. ‘Oh Timmy, I see you’ve come prepared. Come on in!’   
Armie grabbed him by the arm and pulled him in. He closed the door, turned around and sighed ‘Man, I missed you’ and he hugged Timmy tightly. He felt the young man loosen up and hug him back, his breathing heavy. 

‘I missed you too Armie’ he said before pulling away. He reached in his pocket to take something and Armie quickly saw that he’d brought a few joints with him. He was somewhat relieved, it would take some of the tension away and he wouldn’t be as stressed out as he’d been all afternoon. Maybe this was going to be a fun night after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you liked this :)  
> Chapter 3 will should be up soon  
> Thanks for the kudos and comments, they really motivated me to write faster :p


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armie and Timmy smoke some weed and it gets awkward ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't like mentions of drugs, please don't read this. I'm not trying to promote anything obviously.

Timmy handed the almost finished joint to Armie, both men were high out of their minds. Armie was sitting on the floor, one hand on Timmy’s knee who was on the couch next to him. The older man was telling a story about Ford throwing up all over one of the big producers of his Broadplay play and his friend was laughing so hard tears had dwelled in his eyes. Armie was proud of himself as he usually was when he made the younger man laugh. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so happy, probably weeks ago.

‘Your turn. Tell me something embarrassing so I can laugh at you!’

‘Okay… please don’t judge me’ Timmy said, blushing but still smiling broadly ‘on my first date with Xavier I got a little too drunk and fell asleep on his shoulder in the Uber that was taking us to my place. And to make it all worse I drooled all over his jacket.’ 

Armie laughed but he wasn’t really amused. He’d meant to bring the subject, but not so soon. He’d wanted to keep this night about him and Timmy a bit longer. But he’d talked about his family so maybe it was his fault that Timmy had talked about his own private life. 

‘Oh man, what a player!’ he said trying to keep his tone playful ‘You never cease to impress me.’ He stopped for a few seconds, thinking about what his friend had just told him.  
‘And you brought him home on the first date, you really went for it didn’t you Timothée?’ He was trying not to sound jealous but he couldn’t help being a bit colder. Maybe Timmy was too high to notice? 

‘Am I in trouble **Mr Hammer**? You never call me _Timothée_!’ the younger man asked with a grin, obviously trying to bring the playful tone back in their conversation. 

‘Ah ah no you aren’t! I just wish… I don’t know, that you’d told me before? But it’s okay you told me why you hadn’t. Now I just want you to tell me everything. Spill the beans man!’ 

Armie was doing what he did best: acting. He was playing the part of a best friend or big brother who catches up with his baby bro. In a way it was pretty much what they were, but why had Timmy never been that to him? Why had he always been so much more than a friend or younger brother?’ 

Timmy got a bit more serious, well, as serious as you could be when you were high as a kite. He’d noticed Xavier’s online flirtation during the press tour for _Call me by your Name_. He’d done some research on him before he was contacted by Vogue to be interviewed by Dolan and Frank Ocean. If he’d tried to find a way to meet him he would never have been able to find such a good excuse.  
He’d been struck by the guy’s beauty as soon as he’d entered the office at Vogue, and they’d spoken French together instantly, it felt private and intimate speaking a language no one else in the room knew.  
After the interview, they’d exchanged numbers and texted for a few weeks before agreeing on a date. They’d been to a restaurant in New York and it had been amazing. Armie couldn’t help noticing the stars in Timmy’s eyes, he was really smitten with Dolan it seemed.  
Yes, they’d gone back to his place afterwards but they were both too drunk to do anything else than kiss and grope each other on Timmy’s tiny couch. They’d fell asleep there and had woken up in the morning hungover and embarrassed. They’d been seeing each other ever since, it had been two months.  
It hit Armie instantly, Timmy had stopped talking to him right after starting to date Xavier. Well, he hadn’t really tried either but he definitely remembered texting Timmy last and never getting a reply. What did this mean?  
He had so many questions and didn’t know where to start, but then he remembered the thing that had been bugging him all day. 

‘How long have you known that you were into guys? I remember you telling me that you didn’t know if you were gay or straight two years ago, that you were still trying to figure it out. When did that change and why didn’t I know?’ he asked quite bluntly, the weed helping him to go straight to the point. 

‘Well, I guess I’ve always known that I was into both genders, but I wasn’t really sure. I didn’t know if it was admiration that I felt for men, or attraction. It was confusing. I’d dated girls and really liked them but before Xavier I hadn’t even kissed a guy, apart from you, but… it doesn’t count, does it?’ 

Ouch, it hurt. Their kisses didn’t count. Why had they mattered to Armie then? 

‘So you were sure you were into guys after meeting Xavier, is that right?’ Timmy nodded. ‘And you’re what? Bi? Pansexual?’ 

‘I think I’m bi but I don’t worry about labels too much for now, I’m just trying to enjoy whatever I have with Xavier you know?’ The tone was way more serious now. 

‘And… okay I apologize if it’s too personal but… have you… you know? Slept together?’ Armie blushed, which was rare, and it made Timmy blush too. An uncomfortable silence settled in but Timothée decided to answer the questions, it felt good to be able to talk about all this with his older and more experimented friend. 

‘Oh god Armie, you’re so curious! Would you ask this if I was dating a girl?’ he pretended to be offended but the older man could see that he wasn’t. It made him think, no he wouldn’t have asked this if Timmy had been dating a girl. But he wanted to know, he needed to. Maybe if he knew that Timmy did those things he would allow himself to… No, he couldn’t think about that. 

‘Man are you okay? Are you embarrassed by your own questions?’ Timmy teased. Armie shook his head, smiling to show he was okay.  
‘No, we haven’t done the deed yet. I guess I’m not ready. We’ve done things though, really nice things.’ The sexy smile on Timmy’s lips was more than Armie could handle and he had to break the mood or he’d do something he’d regret.  
‘So you’ve sucked dick but you didn’t do _'the things that matter'_ yet?’ he teased, refering to the infamous line from their movie. 

Timmy burst out laughing ‘Omg dude… you’re an asshole! And _what things that matter?’_ he asked with a mischievous and daring grin. Armie’s heart was beating so fast, he almost wanted to show Timmy what he meant, but he knew he couldn’t. 

‘These things’ he announced and jumped on Timmy, tickling him on his sides. The young man started to giggle uncontrollably. 

‘Armie stooooop’ he squealed but his laughter only encouraged his friend to tickle him more. They started wrestling on the couch, Armie holding Timmy to torture him and the younger man trying to escape from his hands.  
They were giggling like kids and in this moment, Armie was so happy he forgot the two months that had passed by. It was like they’d never been apart.  
He handed up lying on top of Timmy, holding both of his friends’ arms over his head with one hand while the other one was on his hip. His tickles had turned into soft caresses. He was glad he’d booked a suite with a couch and not just a simple room, he wouldn’t have been able to restrain himself on a bed. 

‘I missed you so much’ he whispered and Timmy’s smile vanished all of a sudden. 

‘I missed you too.’ 

They remained like this, staring in each other’s eyes, for a few minutes before breaking apart. Armie stood up and stretched, just to look cool and relaxed. 

‘Wanna drink anything bro?’ the last word came out louder. 

Timothée stood up too, his eyes now sad. 

‘Nah, I think I’m gonna go. I have some work to do tomorrow.’

Armie was a bit disappointed, he wasn’t ready to let him go yet, but it was probably his fault. He shouldn’t have initiated this game when he wasn’t ready to face the consequences. Timmy was with Xavier, and he himself had a beautiful wife and two amazing kids, he couldn’t flirt with his friend like that. _Flirt_. It was the first time he'd allowed his thoughts to be so clear about what was happening. 

‘Earth to Armie, what are you thinking about?’ Timmy asked, hope obvious in his eyes. 

It was his chance to say it, to say what had been on his mind since he’d met Timmy in Crema. But he couldn’t. 

‘Oh nothing, I just zoned out. I guess the weed is getting to me’ he said, with a soft smile. 

‘Okay. I’m going now, walk me to the door?’ 

He nodded and handed Timmy his jacket before placing a hand on his lower back. When they reached the door, he took a deep breath and thanked his friend for the night and the joint, still acting the bro part. 

‘You’re welcome Armie. I had a great time, let’s do this again soon.’ 

A look of understanding passed in their eyes, they probably shouldn’t do this again soon. Armie opened the door and when Timothée was in the corridor, he just couldn’t let him go like this. 

‘Oliver’ he whispered. 

The young man turned around to face him, his eyes shiny, and whispered ‘Elio!’ back at him and left. 

Armie closed the door and sat against it, his face in his hands. Why did he let his guards down? He’d been good at pretending so far. Or so he’d thought. He’d ruined all his efforts at hiding his feelings in one night, what the fuck was wrong with him? Timmy had obviously noticed. 

He decided to go online look at those pictures of him and Xavier, he’d done that all afternoon already but maybe seeing them again would convince him that Timothée was happy with his boyfriend and that he should keep his distance from him. It was true that they looked good together, hot even, but Timmy didn’t look in love. He was probably the only one who noticed this of course. He knew Timmy better than anyone, the young man had told him months ago during one of their drunken evenings at Luca’s.  
They’d been watching some of the scenes from the movie and Armie had noticed something was off with Timothée, he’d asked him about it and he’d explained that he felt lonely because everyone around him was in a relationship and he was single, he’d been for a while. Armie had hugged him tight and told him he was the sweetest person in the world, he was his Sweet Tea, and he’d find someone soon, someone worthy of him. Timmy had thanked him for always being there for him and always knowing when he wasn’t okay. They’d become much closer after that night. 

Armie quickly moved from the pictures of Xavier and Timmy to youtube videos; 'Elio x Oliver' compilations, 'Armie and Timmy adorable moments'. He watched so many of them, drinking whisky at the same time to numb the pain he felt in his heart. He couldn’t deny that they had chemistry, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. His long arms around Timmy’s frail shoulders, his hand on one his friend’s knees, Timmy’s hands on his chest or face during Ellen’s interview… it seemed like they couldn’t help it.  
A video popped up in his suggestions, ‘ARMIE HAMMER SAYS TIM INSTEAD OF ELIO’. Capital letters. Appropriate for the shock this video gave him. Their ‘first time’ scene, he didn’t remember calling him Tim but when you had headphones on it was pretty obvious. How had no one in the crew noticed that? Oh shit. He was in too deep, he’d been for a long time. 

Memories of that night came back vividly, Tim’s body pressed against his own, their hands all over each other, and Tim begging him to kiss him. His ‘yes please’ wasn’t in the script but it had felt natural when he’d said it. Now reading all the comments under the video, he was convinced that it had meant something. Was this a scene between Elio and Oliver or between Armie and Timothée?  
Armie poured himself another glass and watched the scene over and over again. His heart was beating too fast and pearls of sweat formed on his forehead. He didn’t know how he’d managed to shoot this without getting a boner because he wasn’t even on a bed with Timmy now and he was getting one. He downed his glass, closed his laptop and turned off the light. If he was going to jerk off thinking of Timmy, he’d do it in the dark. It would be his dirty secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos, they made me so happy :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timmy and Armie meet again briefly which leads the younger man to make resolutions regarding their relationship.

Timmy woke up feeling nauseated. Drinking and smoking the night before hadn’t done his stomach any good. He’d fallen asleep almost immediately after getting home, forgetting to call Xavier. He saw missing calls and two texts from him. 

_'Babe how did it go? Why aren’t you answering? You can still call me!'_

_'Okay, I guess you’re sleeping. Please text me when you wake up mon chéri.'_

He wasn’t ready to talk to his boyfriend, especially as he wasn’t sure of what he felt. He was happy with him, but the previous night had revived feelings he’d tried to keep buried inside.   
He had loved Armie for so long and Xavier had freed him from this. He’d made him realize how easy and fun life could be when he wasn’t pining after a married man who wouldn’t even admit that he wasn’t 100% straight. It had taken a while to stop dreaming and fantasizing about Armie… and all of this work had been for nothing as a single evening had ruined everything.   
As soon as he’d started dating Xavier, he’d stopped texting the older man, stopped trying to get in touch with him, avoided parties… just to be free from him. Of course, there had been relapses when he’d gone to see his play, arriving late and leaving early to be incognito. But he’d been doing so well until the previous night…   
He made himself some coffee and sat on his sofa, sighing deeply. 

Armie had asked him how long he’d been into guys, or how long he’d known.   
_I knew when I first saw you. The day you interrupted my piano lesson and I was so troubled I told you I’d meet you later. I couldn’t focus after that.  
That’s what he would have answered had he been honest, but he’d lied instead. He’d become a good liar because of Armie. _

He decided to pluck up all his courage and tell the man he couldn’t see him again. He couldn’t call him of course, he’d fall for the man’s raspy voice too easily. A text would have to do. 

_'I can’t see you anymore, I just can’t. I know you know why. Sorry.'_

Before he could hit send, he heard a knock on the door. He rapidly put on a pair of sweatpants and went to open the door, the lovebites on his chest exposed. Before he could realize who was standing in front of him, he heard a gasp. 

‘Armie’ he whispered, shaken by this unexpected visit. ‘Come in.’ 

‘Hi Timmy. Thanks’ the man said as he brushed past his friend’s frail body to get in. 

‘Why did you come’ Timothée asked, going straight to the point. 

‘I… I just… I was thinking of you and …’ Timmy could hear the tremor in the man’s voice. He took his hand and guided him to the couch, sitting next to him, one hand on his knee while the other started stroking his back softly. 

‘What’s wrong Armie?’ his voice softer. He was frustrated and tired of their games, but right now he could see his friend in pain and he just couldn’t stand it. 

‘I don’t want to spend 2 months without seeing you again. I need you Timmy, more than you know. More than you’ll ever need me.’ He sighed after saying it, relieved. 

‘No that’s not tr… Why? Why do you need me?’ 

The man looked straight into his eyes and shook his head. He couldn’t say it, but both knew what he’d meant. Timmy wrapped his long thin arms around Armie’s giant shoulders, and the man’s head naturally found Timothée’s shoulder. It was ironical that the young and sensitive guy was the one comforting the older easy-going man. His older brother, his role model. 

They remained in this position for a while, quiet and peaceful. Timmy slowly released Armie from his embrace and cupped his face in his hands. 

‘You can tell me anything. You know that’ he declared, hopefulness in his voice. 

The older man nodded but lowered his head, embarrassed. That’s when his eyes stopped on the lovebites. He suddenly stood up. 

‘Ahem, I’m gonna go. I have things to do before today’s rehearsal.’ He stopped for a minute, his face showing hesitation.  
‘I… I got you two tickets to come see my play next week. One for you and one for… well whoever you want.’ He stopped again then added ‘Bring Xavier’ His tone firm and resolved.   
He put the tickets on the nearby table and left, just like that. No goodbyes, no hugs. Just tickets on a table.

Timmy wanted to cry, what had he been hoping for? Had he really believed that Armie would make him a love declaration, when he obviously adored his wife and kids. Did he think that he’d ruin his perfect life for a 22-year-old who lived in a shitty flat in New York and couldn’t even say what was on his mind?   
And he had Xavier. He felt terrible for not thinking of him first. Xavier was so good to him, he was the greatest boyfriend he could have hoped for whereas all Armie had done was make him miserable and messed up.   
From now on his boyfriend would be his priority, it was time to get back on track. He took his phone and started typing a reply to Xavier’s last text, being careful to sound cheerful and enthusiastic. He had to make efforts or his boyfriend would get tired of his coldness. 

_Bonjour mon chéri. Sorry, my phone was at Armie’s, just got it back. I miss u, can u come to NY earlier than planned? Please please please. I promise I’ll make it worth it. Love <3 _

He hit send, took a few minutes to reassure himself that he’d done the right thing and went to his small kitchen to make breakfast. Then he’d go for a run and take a shower.   
Nobody was ready for Timothée 2.0, but he was done feeling sorry for himself. It was time to make a change.

* * *

Xavier had been there for 30 minutes and they’d already removed all of their clothes and come in each other’s mouths. Dolan could feel something was different with his boyfriend, he was optimistic and excited for something. He didn’t know what but if this meant getting the best blowjobs he’d had in years he wouldn’t complain.   
They took a shower together and while Timmy was tidying up the bed, Xavier went to the kitchen to fetch them some beers he’d brought from home.   
He washed two glasses, he hated drinking from the can, and put them on the table where he spotted a magazine that caught his attention. 

‘Bébé, when did you start reading tabloids?’ he asked with a laugh. 

‘Oh, I thought this cover was funny. But look at the article on page 8, they’re detailing each of our Instagram and twitter interactions it’s hilarious!’ Timmy answered cheerfully, not even embarrassed of having bought this shameful magazine.

Xavier picked it up to read the article but he saw the two tickets that were hidden under it and took them to see what they were for. 

‘Timmy, did you get tickets to see Armie play, again?’ he asked, his voice less playful all of a sudden. Timothée had seen it several times already and it started to look suspicious. 

The young man joined him at the table, visibly ill-at-ease. 

‘I didn’t buy them. Armie did, he… he wanted me to take you. I wasn’t sure I’d tell you because you know… I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything. It’s kind of a big step to go to such a public place together.’ 

Xavier smiled, relieved. 

‘Are you kidding me? Your best friend wants to meet me! That means he knows we’re serious. Did you spend the whole evening talking about us when you saw him?’ he asked jokingly. 

‘Maybe’ Timmy answered with a grin. 

Xavier kissed him with a fierceness Timmy enjoyed. It reminded him of the first time scene’… No, it didn’t remind him of anything. No one was like Xavier. He took his boyfriend to the bedroom, the two beers forgotten on the table, along with the two tickets. 

Life was now, and it was with Xavier. He was over Armie now. For good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me :) I promise Timmy isn't over Armie :p 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments, they're really appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xavier and Timmy flirt on instagram and Armie isn't too happy about it. What will happen when they go see his play and hang out afterwards?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been long, I know! Life happened, and I haven't been well. Sorry I haven't updated before but my life has been really messy, and it still is... Thanks for waiting and for all your nice comments!

Armie spent the next few days thinking about Timothée. He couldn’t stop. He usually kept his thoughts to the night, when the darkness made it more bearable, but these days images of the young man kept coming when he didn’t expect them. When he woke up, he’d drink a cup of coffee and would remember all the times he and Timmy had met for coffee in Crema. When he took a shower, he’d think of Timmy splashing him with water when they went for a swim at the lake. Everytime he’d see a peach or apricot at the market he’d think of Timmy, or Elio, or both. The truth was that Elio and Oliver had started to blur with Timothée and Armie. This film had changed him, or rather it had unburied a truth Armie had tried to ignore for many years. He’d had doubts when he was a teen, seeing how close he could be to some of his male friends, how handsome and even sexy he’d find some of them. But the older his mother got the more conservative she became, and his constant fear of disappointing her made him repress his desires.  
When he’d met Elizabeth and had fallen in love with her, it had been such a relief. He wasn’t gay. He loved women. Liz loved him back and all was well. They’d been through so much together, she was his best friend. Well, until he’d met Timmy. Now, when he wanted to talk about his doubts and insecurities, that’s him he wanted to talk to. He felt more himself with Timmy than with anyone else and it scared him shitless. Poor Elizabeth, she’d given him her life, she’d borne his children but he, a failure, couldn’t stop fantasizing about a 22-year-old dude. 

A text came to deliver Armie from his torturing thoughts.  
_‘Babe, look at this. Aren’t they cute? We have to take them to a restaurant when I come to NY. Miss u <3’ _  
With the text was attached a screencap of an Instagram post by Xavier. An artsy picture of Timmy, his face half hidden in white sheets, obviously in Timmy’s bed. Armie felt a sharp pain in his chest as he pictured Timmy and Xavier having sex in this very bed.  
The pain transformed into anger when he read the caption _‘Xavier’_. So Xavier was calling Timmy by his own name. He had no right to do that, it was Elio and Oliver’s thing. It was his and Timmy’s thing.  
Tears started dwelling in his eyes, if Timothée had allowed this, that meant he was okay with it.  
Had he imagined the tension between them? Were all those people who saw it too as delusional as him? Even Liz had teased him about it, asking if she had to worry. She’d asked playfully but Armie knew she was half-serious.  
What a little shit! He’d played with his feelings! 

Armie took his phone, scrolled through his pictures and found a beautiful photo of him and his wife, looking like a goddess as usual, staring into each other’s eyes. _‘Miss you too <3’ _he wrote as a caption. He tagged his wife so she’d see it as a reply to her text, and thought of the perfect tag that would show the world that she was the one he loved. But most importantly, it would show Timothée that he wasn’t affected by his little games. Xavier had stolen CMBYN from them, he’d claim it back for himself and Liz. _#thethingsthatmatter_ a hint to the talk between Elio and Oliver and to his recent evening with Timmy.  
He posted it and quickly got a notification for a comment.  
_‘Aaaawww <3 So lucky to call you my husband’._  
Cool, she didn’t find it weird that he hadn’t answered her text.  
Soon, the post was liked by hundreds of people. And he had to turn his phone off to focus on reading his lines. 

After working on his lines, doing vocal exercises and a quick run, Armie turned his phone on again and couldn’t help checking Instagram first.  
One of the notifications caught his eye: both Timmy and Xavier had commented. With his heart racing, he opened the app and looked at the comments.  
_‘Mom and dad.’_ Timmy had written. Cheeky bastard!  
_‘Does this mean they’re my in-laws?’_ Xavier had replied.  
Armie felt nauseous. Are they so in love they’re seeing themselves as a married couple? Were they simply making fun of him? Was Timmy being petty?  
He wasn’t going to let them mock him or his marriage. And he wasn’t that old.  
_'How dare you get married without inviting your father @tchalamet? Oh and welcome to the fam Xavier!'_  
No one would know he was sad and angry. He’d be the cool, chill guy everyone believed he was.  
But fuck Timmy. Fuck him and his boyfriend.  
He made himself a drink, and sat down in his couch. He usually didn’t drink before going on stage but he needed this right now, just to get rid of the tension in his body.  
He got another comment on his post, Xavier. _‘Thanks, Armie. Can I call you daddy?’_  
What the actual fuck? Was Xavier flirting with him now? Did he have some sort of twisted fantasy? He knew that Xavier was kind of a fanboy, he’d had a big rant on twitter to defend his performance in CMBYN. But this was on another level, there was a sort of familiarity he hadn’t allowed. Timothée soon answered _‘OMG’_ with a shocked emoji. At least Timmy knew this was gross.  
He immediately got a text from the young man.  
_‘Hey! How have u been? Just realized the tickets u gave me were for 2morrow, do u want to go have a beer with Xavier and I after? He’s flying back home in two days and he really wants to meet u.’_  
Armie read the text a few times, trying to process this. He was going to see them together, he’d have to see how perfect they looked together. He didn’t know if he could do that.  
But he had to, he had to be cool about it if he wanted people to stop spreading rumors about him and Timmy. Maybe it would help him get over his stupid crush?  
He typed his answer quickly before he could change his mind. _‘Yeah, sure. I know a nice pub close to the theatre, let’s meet there. I’ll text you the address. Can’t wait to meet Xavier’_  
He hit 'send' and made himself another drink. It wasn’t a good idea but it was also the only way to handle all his emotions right now. He sighed and for the first time he wished he hadn't worked on this movie.

****

* * *

He’d never taken so much time to shower and get rid of his stage make-up. He was so nervous he thought he’d throw up. Maybe it was the whisky he’d downed alone in his dressing room after the play.  
Now he was on his way to meet Timmy and Xavier and his legs were shaking, what a pathetic loser he was!  
As soon as he got in, he spotted them at a table at the back, sitting so close to each other he wondered why they needed two chairs. He made his way to the table and Xavier smiled broadly at him, while Timmy looked a bit more reserved. He instantly shifted his chair to be less close to Xavier. Weird.  
Armie and Xavier introduced themselves to each other just to break the ice. Armie couldn’t deny that Timmy’s boyfriend was handsome, hot even. As much as he hated to admit this, they looked good together. Better than he and Timmy would ever look. Xavier was younger and stylish with his tattoos and thrifted clothes, and Timmy was obviously super cool. He always threw in designer clothes or accessories with more random pieces and it totally worked. Armie felt quite bland next to these two guys, he felt like a traditional American Christian dad. Boring.  
But he was resolved to look relaxed and easy-going. He patted Timothée’s shoulder ‘You alright mate? You’re quiet’

Timothée nodded and replied ‘Yeah I’m fine, just tired. Xavier has dragged me all over New-York these past few days.’ He glanced at his boyfriend and his feature softened as he saw Xavier looking back at him with a smile. 

‘I think he’s also nervous. He hasn’t introduced me to any of his friends yet’ the Canadian said, still smiling. 

‘Oh, it’s an honour then’ Armie lied, a fake smile plastered on his face. He knew Timothée would see that he was pretending, but Xavier wouldn’t and as long as only Timmy knew, and crazy stalkers on tumblr, his secret was safe. 

‘Tu veux boire quelque chose, chéri ?’ Xavier asked Timmy, the language establishing some intimacy between them that Armie obviously wasn’t invited to share. 

‘Yeah, I’ll have a beer, thanks’ Timothée answered his boyfriend, blushing. Armie, wanted to smile, it was obvious that his friend was embarrassed and didn’t want to engage in pda in front of him. 

‘Armie, can I get you anything?’

‘Yes, I’ll take… whatever you guys will be drinking’ he said. Beer was a safer option than whisky, he couldn’t get drunk now.  
Xavier stood up to go to the bar, but kissed Timmy before going and suddenly, the older man felt sick.  
Timothée couldn’t even look at him, he was staring down at his hands and fidgeting in his seat. 

‘Are you really okay Timmy? Is there something wrong?’ 

‘No, I told you I’m fine, just tired.’ 

Armie didn’t believe him but he didn’t want to force him to say it. ‘Xavier seems like a cool guy. You guys look good together.’ 

Timothée smiled softly, ‘Yeah, thanks. He’s great.’ 

‘Try to contain your enthusiasm’ the older man joked. 

‘What do you want me to say? That he makes me feel like the most important person in the world?’ Timmy answered, sounding a bit defensive. ‘We’re not in a teen movie’ he laughed bitterly. 

‘Timothée, why did you ask me to come if you don’t want to see me?’ Armie asked bluntly, hurt by his friends’ coldness. 

Timothée lifted his eyes to meet Armie’s. ‘I’m… I’m sorry. I'm just… uncomfortable I guess?’ 

They didn’t need to explain, both knew what he meant. They’d never disclosed their feelings explicitely but it was obvious that something was there. Armie had doubted it recently, but Timmy’s behavior confirmed there was something going on in the younger guy’s mind.  
They stared in each other’s eyes, sadness and understanding passing between them, but their unspoken communication was interrupted when Xavier came back, stuggling to hold the three drinks.  
‘Oh, sorry I didn’t even think of helping you’ Armie apologized. 

‘It’s alright, don’t worry about it’ Xavier replied. ‘So, what were you guys talking about?’ 

Armie saw his friend sink down in his seat, he would have laughed at his awkwardness if he himself hadn’t been so ill-at-ease. ‘Timmy was telling me how much he loooved the play’ he said jokingly

‘Tell me about it!’ Xavie exclaimed, ‘how many times have you seen it? Is it 5? 6 counting tonight?’ 

Timothée was smiling, but Armie saw from his eyes that he was mortified. So, he’d seen his play before. Why hadn’t he told him? And why did it look like Xavier thought Armie knew?  
An understanding passed through their eyes and Armie decided to help him out.  
‘I think it was 6 times you’re right. I think he knows the play by heart.’ He laughed. 

He saw a relieved smile form on Timmy’s mouth. Whatever had or hadn’t happened between them, they still had each other’s backs. 

‘I understand why though. You looked fantastic on stage!’ Xavier said, grinning like a fanboy. ‘I mean I knew from your movies that you were good, but seeing you on stage was something else. Your charisma is off the charts, am I right Timothée?’ 

‘Yes, Armie is one of the greatest actors I know’ the younger man said, and for the first time since they’d gotten there he spoke without uncertainty or restraint. 

‘What about me?’ Xavier asked, pouting. 

‘You know you’re number one in my heart’ Timmy replied with a smile before giving his boyfriend a brief kiss. But there was something off, Armie could feel it. He’d spend months with Timmy, enough to know when he was holding back. 

‘You know, before we started dating I totally shipped you too. I thought Timmy had a massive crush on you Armie, I mean who wouldn’t?’ Xavier said teasingly.  
Armie laughed halfheartedly, it was embarrassing. Not only was the dude hinting at the possible feelings Armie and Timmy had for each other, but he was also flirting with Armie. It wasn’t right, Timmy didn’t deserve this. But maybe this didn’t mean anything, or maybe they weren’t exclusive. The older man decided to play cool and not say anything. He didn’t want to be the uptight family guy he always promised himself he’d never be. 

They stayed there for about an hour, talking about the play, about Xavier’s future films and Timmy’s projects. Xavier was getting more comfortable and warm with Armie, which translated into smiles, winks and subtle touches. A hand on his forearm, a pat on his shoulder and even a caress on his face to feel the stubble Timmy had complained about in interviews. It was obvious that Xavier was flirting now, and Armie couldn’t help feeling Timothée wasn’t okay with it.  
He excused himself and went to the bathroom. He splashed his face with cold water and took a few deep breaths. It was such a weird night, he didn’t know how he was going to face Timothée after his boyfriend had been so ‘’friendly’’ with him.  
When he came back to the table, Xavier was nowhere in sight and Timothée was holding his face in his hands.  
‘What happened? Where did Xavier go?’ he asked. 

Timmy lifted his head, his eyes and cheeks red.  
‘We had a fight. He left. I just stayed here to tell you, I’ll go try and find him now. He probably got back to my place’. 

‘Oh’ whispered Armie. ‘Do you want me to help me look for him?’ Armie asked. 

Timothée snickered. ‘Don’t you think you’ve done enough?’ he asked bitterly. 

‘What do you mean’ the older man asked, clearly confused. 

‘Oh please, don’t pretend you weren’t trying to seduce him all night!’ 

‘Timmy? What? How can you say this? I didn’t do anything!’ 

He knew he should be angry at being accused like this. He was married and he would never flirt with his friend’s boyfriend. He didn’t even care about him. But he wasn’t angry, he was hurt. He thought Timothée knew him better than this. 

‘I’m gonna go now. Don’t call me, don’t text me. Ok?’ 

Not waiting for an answer, Timothée left and Armie was left alone. He sat down and waved to one of the waiters to order another drink. Something stronger this time, beer wouldn’t be enough for what he was feeling right now. Lonely, hopeless and something he hadn’t felt in a decade, heartbroken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked this chapter? As usual, comments are really appreciated :)  
> ps: I have no idea when i'm going to update next, please don't ask me because it triggers my anxiety and makes me consider deleting the whole story!


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